You know what’s weird? Someone actually telling you to smoke….like, experiencing actual ‘peer pressure’….which is weird because in all my life, at the age of 17—I think it’s the first time someone has actually tried to convince me to smoke. My uglies got so pissed off at him when i told them, probably shouldn't have--since they already have a bad impression of him.
It doesn’t matter though, because he’s a big freak and needs some mad prayer action—but that’s besides the point.
You know what’s even more weird…perspective. Everything seems just that much more trivial now because…well yeah. And it’s really weird because I think that it is now inherent that I don’t ‘express my feelings’ to anyone. Because everyone around me is fine and so not shaken or affected outwardly by this and it’s kind of freaking me out. I don’t know….I’m fine—I’ve just been distracting myself so that I won’t think about it too much. I don’t want to like, tell people at school though…because then it’ll be all weird and I won’t know what to say and I know it’s gonna happen. ARGH! I just won’t go to school.
It was so weird how I was in the car and I was thanking God for everything that happened this past week. The crappy tests, the good tests, the stupid book, the ‘chats’, the encouragement, the aggravations—what seems to generally affect my mood a great deal—all of a sudden seemed so trivial when I got home last night. Whatever…I know I’m dumb—but this was just even more of a reassurance that I really am, just that dumb and selfish….and cool. And by cool I mean not cool.
I’m thankful because she’s not like, living in that really crappy place anymore and I feel bad because she had to live there for the past 6 years. I feel bad because I didn’t visit her a lot but I’m thankful that I visited her last week, which will leave the greatest impression on me…I’m thankful she was a Christian.
Yeah, I guess I just need to like, spend mad amounts of time with my family…which is kind of bad because you should always be doing that and I keep telling myself that I should do that now, of all times, since I’m going to be gone next year. I don’t know. I’m a big fat freak.
…argh…stuff is weird….but God’s always cool…because He is always there to listen and to tell you when you’re being an idiot and to comfort you when you don’t feel like talking to anyone and to give you amazing people to encourage you and to keep you accountable….yeah God’s always nice like that.